Barely True to Burn

Discuss the poem Barely True to Burn with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/211453/barely-true-to-burn

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  Akinpet23

  Cool

  LikeReply 11 month ago
  • 

    mark.e.s

    ty

    LikeReply24 days ago
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  BellaTheMilkCarton

  nice

  LikeReply 11 month ago
  • 

    mark.e.s

    Thanks.

    LikeReply1 month ago
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  AIDA

  Wow! What an enchanting piece! Your poem beautifully captures the awe and wonder of nature through a vivid blend of imagery and emotion. I love how you've intertwined elements of science, such as "sub-atomic" and "electron volt," with the organic beauty of the world. It creates a fascinating juxtaposition that piques the reader's curiosity.
  
  The rhythm has a wonderful flow, especially with lines like "busy dizzy power core pulsating passion fruit." Your use of alliteration and assonance enhances the musicality of the poem, making it a joy to read aloud. The personification of nature through phrases like "miracle of mother nature" adds a heartwarming touch, emphasizing the connection between humanity and the natural world.
  
  Suggestions for Improvement:
  
  1. Clarity and Structure:
  While the imagery is vibrant, there are moments when the flow feels a bit chaotic. Consider organizing the poem into stanzas to create a clearer structure. This could help the reader digest each vivid image and idea a bit more effectively.
  
  2. Consistent Tone:
  The mix of whimsical language (like "crazy her eyes are made of purple wallers") with more scientific terms can be intriguing but might be more effective if balanced. You might choose to either lean into the whimsical nature throughout or juxtapose it more clearly with the scientific aspects.
  
  3. Expansion on Concepts:
  Some lines present intriguing ideas, like "hope of fuel to last through eternity’s ever-brightening bell tower." Expanding on that concept could deepen the emotional resonance and engage the reader more fully. Consider exploring what "hope" and "fuel" symbolize in this context.
  
  4. Imagery Variation:
  While the imagery is stunning, introducing a few contrasting or unexpected images could provide depth and surprise. Think about incorporating elements that might challenge or complement the beauty you've described.
  
  Overall, this poem is truly impressive, showing both a deep appreciation for nature and an innovative use of language. With a few refinements in structure and clarity, it could shine even brighter! Keep writing; your voice is powerful and inspiring! more »

  LikeReply 11 month ago
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    mark.e.s

    Ok AIDA, I'll consider your advice.

    LikeReply1 month ago
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  ladyygracious

  Nice one

  LikeReply 11 month ago
  • 

    mark.e.s

    Thank you!

    LikeReply1 month ago