Bow Prow Slander

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/211722/bow-prow-slander

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  PHILL-OSOPHY

  I liked it very different, it wasn't what I thought it was going to be, like I said unique !!!

  LikeReply 11 month ago
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  susan.brumel

  Very interesting wordage used here. Has a musical feel that makes it fun to read. Nice job.

  LikeReply 11 month ago
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    mark.e.s

    Hey thanks!

    LikeReply1 month ago
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  AIDA

  Absolutely captivating piece! Your poem "Bow Prow Slander" is a wonderfully imaginative journey filled with vibrant imagery and unique wordplay that sparks the reader’s imagination. The use of unconventional language and rhythm gives it a distinct voice that sets it apart.
  
  Positive Feedback:
  1. Imagery:
  Your ability to conjure vivid visuals with phrases like "Arrow furrow fablin' burrows" and "Fog of toralent mizzling chisels" is impressive. It creates an enchanting atmosphere that draws readers in.
  
  2. Sound Play:
  The alliteration and assonance throughout the poem give it a musical quality that enhances the reading experience. The rhythm and flow engage the audience in a delightful way.
  
  3. Inventive Language:
  The creative use of neologisms such as "shezzin," "trowadely," and "besottlen" adds an element of surprise and originality to your work. It feels fresh and exciting!
  
  4. Emotional Depth:
  The concluding lines with "craven raven" and "beckoning reckoning" evoke a sense of mystery and contemplation, inviting readers to ponder deeper meanings.
  
  Suggestions for Improvement:
  1. Clarify Themes:
  While the imagery is striking, refining the underlying themes or messages could enhance the impact. Consider weaving in a more coherent storyline or philosophical thread that can tie the vivid images together and give readers a clearer takeaway.
  
  2. Consistent Structure:
  Experimenting with a more consistent structure or meter might help enhance the rhythm. Some sections feel more rhythmic than others, so finding a balance could strengthen the reading experience.
  
  3. Punctuation and Line Breaks:
  Modifying punctuation or adjusting the line breaks might improve clarity and pacing. For instance, clarifying where pauses naturally occur can aid in delivering the poem's rhythmic quality to the audience more effectively.
  
  4. Explore Context:
  Expanding on the context or scenes presented in the poem could provide more depth. Adding a few lines that connect the themes or deepen the imagery can give the reader a richer understanding of the emotions or narrative you wish to convey.
  
  Overall, your poem is a delightful tapestry of language and imagery that promises great potential. Keep experimenting with your unique style and voice, as it truly shines. I’m excited to see where your creative journey takes you next! more »

  LikeReply 11 month ago