The Wish

Oh, it is not on lip or brow
    On which you may read change;
But it is in the heart below
    That much of new and strange
Lies hidden. Woe the hour betide
That ever they had aught to hide!

My step is in the lighted hall,
    Roses are round my hair,
And my laugh rings as if of all
    I were the gayest there;
And tell me, if 'mid these around,
Lighter word or smile be found.

But come not on my solitude,
    Mine after-hour of gloom,
When silent lip and sullen brow
    Contrast the light and bloom,
Which seem'd a short while past to be
As if they were a part of me.

As the red wreaths that bind my hair
    Are artificial flowers,
Made for, and only meant to wear
    When amid festal hours:
Just so the smiles that round me play
Are false, and flung aside, as they.

And when the reckless crowd among
    I speak of one sweet art,
How lightly can I name the song,
    Which yet has wrung my heart!
That lute and heart alike have chords
Not to be spoken of in words—

Or spoken but when the dew goes
    On its sweet pilgrimage,
Or when its ray the moonbeam throws
    Upon the lighted page,
On which the burning heart has pour'd
The treasures of its secret hoard.

These are the poet's hours! oh! these,—
    Secret, and still, and deep—
The hot noon lull'd by singing bees
    Or the blue midnight's sleep.
When odour, wind, and star, and flower
Are ruling, is the poet's hour.

But ill betide the time when he
    Shall wish to hear his song
Borne from its own sweet secrecy
    On words of praise along:
Alas for fame! 'tis as the sun
That withers what it shines upon.

My lute is but a humble lute,
    Yet o'er it have been thrown
Those laurel leaves, that well might suit
    With one of loftier tone.
And yet is there one chord appears
Unwet with sad and secret tears?

Are there not in yon midnight sky
    Planets, whose ruling sway
From our birth shape our destiny;—
    Some that with darkling ray
In one fix'd mournful aspect shine?
Such natal star I feel is mine.

And once my horoscope was read,—
    They said that I should have
A brightness o'er my pathway shed,
    And then an early grave;
Feelings worn with a sense their own,
As chords burst by their own sweet tone.

I have one wish, 'tis wild and vain,
    Yet still that wish will be,
That I might rest in yon wide main,
    My tomb the mighty sea;
As if at once my spirit went
To blend with the vast element.

One day I saw a grave just made,
    How drear, how dark, how cold:
There when the coffin had been laid,
    They trampled down the mould:
A week more 'twas a step and seat
For heartless rest, and careless feet.

Be my death-pillow, where the rock
    Admits no mortal tread—
No carved epitaph to mock
    The now unconscious dead;
Or be my grave the billows deep,
Where the sun shines and the winds sweep.⁠