A Descent to Villainy

“You’re lucky to be alive!”

I’m not.
But you’re lucky I’m alive.

You don’t know what happened.
That it wasn’t an accident that I was on the roof that night.
That while I was unconscious, I was fighting to let go.

You know what you want to know.
It was a freak accident.
I was walking on the bridge at night and slipped.
And as I fell, I was afraid of death.
You hear what helps you sleep at night, what excuses you from blame.
What means you don’t have to change.

As long as I am alive, none of you have to account for what you’ve done.
You can turn the pillow and sleep once more.
And maybe, just maybe
it

wasn’t

your

fault.

I welcomed death and was rejected by it.
Spited by the one thing I thought would save me.
It’s ironic, really.

But it won’t matter anymore.
Nothing does.
If death won’t take me, then I refuse to live.
My own quiet rebellion.

I refuse to move on.
I refuse to give in.
I refuse to make an effort.
I refuse to let you win.

There will be no sleep for the wicked.
I couldn’t rest in peace.
So neither will you.
All of you will rue the day you saw me.
Made me.
Touched me.
Hurt me.
And you will hate me while knowing you can do nothing without letting me win.

How does it feel to be powerless for a change?
 
I’m crazy? Maybe.
Power hungry? Perhaps.
Twisted? Not really surprised.
All I really want is justice.
And if no one else will kill for me, I’ll do it myself.

In the end, I don’t really care because it’s not like I have a reputation to worry about.
I don’t have friends to impress.
I don’t have dreams to fulfill.
I don’t have a future to aim for.

You know what the funniest part is?
Every friendship you destroyed.
Every door you shut in my face.
Everything you tore from my bloody weeping hands.

That’s what would’ve saved you in the end.

What a cruel, cruel, ironic end to the trap you’ve spun yourself into.
I would know that it hurts.
The difference is that there will be no “miracle” for you.
No “second chance at life.”

I see now why I lived.
And you’re going to desperately wish I hadn’t.