Within my mind.

I hath no pain from the daily grind,
the pain I feel is within my mind,
some days i wake on the edge of tears,
greeted by my insecurities, my flaws and my fears,
only to once more close my eyes,
and try my hardest to realise,
pain is but a weakness wearing a disguise.

I hold down this life and I do it with no ease,
the people I love unaware of my silent pleas,
If the world would have me, I'd like to stay,
but that's just how I feel on this rare day,
tomorrow i may find when I open my eyes,
I want nothing more than the chance to die.

This is not me, nor is that
the light is too bright but the darkness is too black
Living a life of duality and division,
this is not the adulthood I once envisioned
I am just one more person who feels lost,
who will alleviate this pain no matter the cost
drugs and drink are my daily bread,
for they quiet the despair I hear in my head,
these problems are mine but I wont run,
I'll waste away right here, sadly, happily numb.

Where does this end?
Will it go on forever?
shall I just pretend?

Pretend I'm okay and all is well,
tell them I'm okay when I'm in a personal hell,
tell them I'm fine and I'm just down,
that's why they never tend see me around
they'll accept the lies because they are easy
accept that they aren't the ones who will free me
I'm a problem for some other soul,
their job shall be pulling me from this hole.

The truth is once I felt like a king, atop his joyful throne,
but now I feel just the sting, of being all alone.
I've tried and tried, but could not halt the tides
I could not find the place where my happiness resides
But to the average friend I am mentally healthy,
but all I want is for a friend to truly listen and help me.

But alas my pain is not from the daily grind,
my pain comes from within my mind,
maybe my happiness is simply mine
to journey alone and attempt to find