Mama..

My mama, she birthed me but I like to think the earth did, I'm earthly, I like to think about it that way so it doesn't hurt as bad. When I remember she left me for a man it's kinda sad, when they ask "where's your mom" "where's your dad" and all you can tell them is that they're dead...or at least it feels that way. It kills me to say my mama doesn't feel the same, about her kids the way other mothers should these days. I hope one day she'll come to her senses and fill my heart with what it's missing; A mother's love and kisses, and I know she stressing but think about your kids and how they're a blessing. I know you have way too much built-up aggression from your adolescent years. I know how you feel about me and it brings me to tears, and I know you think I'm lying but I'm just tryna survive these years. I'm running and I'm hiding from this fear that you're lying every time you say you "love me", and every time you hug me I feel lucky, but when I wake up in sweat and tears, I remember that hug meant nothing. It was just one to say "goodbye and don't come looking for me" or that's how it seemed. I love you so much I could die for you but I loved you so much I cut my wrist and almost died cause of you and I was a fool to think that I could ever love...