I M P A T I E N T

wait on the Lord
I have been
but this process is taking too long
I try to be strong
pretend like nothing is wrong
but on the inside I’m lonely
tired of going to sleep by myself
I can’t confess it
tired of suppressing
making it seem as if I learned my lesson  
as if the dots are connecting
but as hard as I’m striving
I'm only relying on faith
I’m becoming impatient

the more and more I wait
the more things begin to change
the ring went from my left-hand 4th finger
to my left-hand middle finger
to my right-hand 4th finger
to eventually no ring at all.

I want them to see me
to know I have no ties to anyone
when I'm supposed to be tied to Jesus

I'm becoming impatient

that lack of companionship
is tampering with my relationship
with the one I say I love most

I'm tired of waiting
I'm only contemplating
is this the right move
Bible says a man that findeth
but if I wait to be found
that means i gotta wait in line

I AM IMPATIENT

I want a man
not a man a husband
one that loves me as Christ loves the church
but my patience is thin
right now I don’t know who’s gonna win
my flesh or my spiritual man

I met a man named Lou
and he is FINE
I would love for him to be mine
we conversate from time to time
but I don’t know
God told me no but I just can’t wait no more
so, let’s see how this goes..

I talked to my pastor and my pastor said no
he has a wife
and it’s no single men in the church but Joe
joe 62 and i’m 25
if I get with Joe will he even stay alive?

I AM   I M P A T I E N T

Lou said pastor, just doesn’t like him
I agree
I’m going to move forward
I believe Lou is in my destiny.

it’s been 3 months
Lou asked for my hand in marriage
I can’t wait to horse ride in a beautiful carriage
Pastor said he didn’t think it was wise
but I can’t get Lou out of my mind
I’ve waited this long he HAS to be the one for me

Lou took me to London for our honeymoon
it’s almost too good to be true
we had a beautiful time and the wait is FINALLY OVER


today me and Lou got into an argument
I want kids and he doesn’t
he also made me stay home from the church shut-in
he told me God doesn’t need me 3 times out of the week
he told me having children wasn’t wise, I honestly think his sperm count is weak.

maybe I should’ve listened to the pastor
ever since me and lou have been together God has sent 3 new young men into the church
and chile are they fine!
meanwhile, i’m stuck with lou and all he seems to do lie
he told me he was coming to church with me to get saved
whole time it’s been a whole 365 days and he still hasn’t crossed the threshold

today Lou hit me
on our 3-year anniversary
I tried to call the pastor but Lou took my phone
he locked me in the guest room and said I needed to be alone

while Lou went to work
I snuck out to the church
with a black eye
and two ripped knee-highs
the saints barely noticed me

I haven’t been feeling well
and that is what they also could see
I was terrified to go home
I didn’t know what Lou would do to me

he beat me senseless
he had no other choice but to call 911
when they took me in I soon learned the devil had a son.

who knew the name Lou was short for lucifer
I haven’t been feeling well because gave me HIV
he didn’t want to have kids because he knew they’d have an STD
I HATE HIM

I didn’t take heed to wise counsel
I thought I was wiser than the man of God
How can God love me again when I went against his law
I couldn’t see it but the man of God already saw
I can never go back.

the pastor and his wife came to see me today
boy was I so ashamed
I was so terribly sorry and was prepared to hear the “told you so”
but instead, they covered my wounds prayed and left me with this note:

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly.”
‭‭John‬ ‭10‬:‭10‬
“Don’t come back to the church come back to God”

after being discharged, I went to Sunday service.
the preacher was talking about restoration
how could I be restored after all of my mistakes
what is everybody going to say
I can never be married again with HIV
as these thoughts were running through my mind
a sweet little mother came so gentle and kind
and whispered in my ear God says “All souls are mine come on baby let’s go get prayer
as she led me to front
with a face full of tears I fell to the ground asking what must I do to be saved

it was a process, but God did restore me.
I’m telling this story to say this, patience is a virtue.
wait on God. don’t become impatient, because impatience brings pain. “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭5‬:‭3‬-‭5‬ ‭


WAIT ON THE LORD.