Analysis of Pondering
Lying in my bed at night pondering my life
far to tired for walking now and way too drunk to drive
i keep looking at the bottle that sits on my night stand
I feel weak and unappreciated as it rattles in my hand
shaking like i was cold but pain is all I feel,
will i have the balls to follow through is this how cowards feel,
the releif I feel is fleeting and the solutionb is right here,
I pop the top quietly just so noone else will hear,
My wife is lying there asleep peaceful as she seems ,
just a couple hours ago she went crazy as she screamed
I guess I'm only dreaming to think I could be loved
I"m left with only painful thoughts knowing I'm not enough.
to many tortuous details to maention in this rift
I am lucky that she fell asleep she'd still be talking shit
the last 12 years Ive noticed that I dont know who I am
but she has made sure that I knew the place where which I stand
before when we were dating she was as sweet as she could be
we would walk around hand in hand she was proud of me.
I clutch the pills in my hand and lean back in the bath
reaching for the razor that will save me from her wrath,
I take a breath and swallow hard there is no coming back
I dont know if my battered heart can take 1 more attack.
I place the razor open on the side where towels are stacked
then take two dozen percocet and slipp down in the bath
After what seemed eternity I feel the numb I need
then slice my wrista hastily made jaged so to bleed.
as the water al;l turns crimson and the lights are getting dark
I hear a desperate daughters plea, daddy what's wrong with your arms.
I realize it was a mistake but tears flow down her cheeks
I tell her that Im sorry this is how it has to be.
Your mommy hurt me deeply dear and i dont have much time
I dont want to die alone wish I could press rewind.
Stay with me please dont go I plead with my little girl
the only reason that I had some joy in this cokld world.
Im so sorry that you saw this it was the cowards way
then I slip down in the tub as the light and feeling starts to fade
I see her lips are moviong and shes crying daddy no!
I try and hold out 1 more breath and say i love you so.
I see my self lying in blood soaked from head to toe
and watch her sob hytsterically still tugging at my clothes
Why oh why did I do this it was not my intent
shattered her heart, the angel that God himself had sent.
The only one that didnt care that I was getting old
couldnt bring myself to to give the letter I still hold.
I told her that Im proud of her, she could do anything
but daddy was to weak to stay i know how this mihght seem
I dont want you in any way to think this is your fault
youve given me the only happy times I can recall
I try and calm her 1 last time my hand goes through her face
then panic washes over me, as i realize its too late
Scheme | XX AA BB CC XX XX XX XA DD EE FF XE GG XX XD XX XX XX HH HX II JJ XX XX XX |
---|---|
Poetic Form | |
Metre | 100111110011 11101101011111 11101010111111 111001001110011 101111111111 111011101111101 0111110001111 1101100111111 1111010110111 101010011110111 1111010111111 11110101101101 1101000111011 111011101111101 0111101111111 11111111011111 011101011111111 1110110111111 1101011011001 1010101111101 11010101111101 1111110111101 110101010111011 111101011001 10110100110111 111110011111 101011100011101 110101011011111 11011001111101 11011101111111 11011101011111 1111101111110 1111111111101 01010111110111 11101111110101 1111001101010111 1101110110101 1101111011111 1111100111111 01011110111 1111111111101 1001010110111 0101111111101 111111010111 1101111011110 11011111111111 11110101111111 1101010101111 1101011111101 110101011110111 |
Closest metre | Iambic heptameter |
Characters | 2,854 |
Words | 645 |
Sentences | 13 |
Stanzas | 25 |
Stanza Lengths | 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2 |
Lines Amount | 50 |
Letters per line (avg) | 44 |
Words per line (avg) | 12 |
Letters per stanza (avg) | 88 |
Words per stanza (avg) | 23 |
About this poem
Dark (trigger warning). Discretion advised
Font size:
Written on September 21, 2023
Submitted by mark.andrews838686 on September 21, 2023
- 3:15 min read
- 0 Views
Citation
Use the citation below to add this poem analysis to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Pondering" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 11 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem-analysis/170756/pondering>.
Discuss this Mark Andrews poem analysis with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In