Parting...A Tribute



One evening
On the month of bloom
I met a problem on “losing face”;
Right into my awakening
Blatant attacks
Reached consciousness
Piercing my ego
Into pieces.
Reverberating!
REASONS COMING OUT!!!
Making the whole of my body numb.
Replicating!
Pictures appeared,
Pictures vanished.
Every scene,
Insinuating pain.
Into my mind,
Parting was inculcated.
I sighed,
No more tears to shed.
My heart quivered,
Overwhelmed
By anguish and fright
Exacerbated
By the thought of having you
Out of sight!      

About this poem

Written when I was in college, two decades ago. _____________________________________________ I decided to move on. I felt ghosted by you. I haven’t heard from you in such a long time. I heard so many things that you were doing, but I didn’t know where you were. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to ask you, “Is it true?” I wanted you to be honest. I wanted to see you! I was frustrated. I was sad, excruciatingly, agonizingly sad. I thought by doing this, moving on with someone else, I anticipated that you would come back when you will find out, and you actually did, but it was too late and I was too afraid, you might leave again.  

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Written on 2003

Submitted by Wildflower888 on February 27, 2023

Modified by Wildflower888 on March 08, 2023

28 sec read
348

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABCADEFGAHIAJKLMNOPQHRSOTS
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 512
Words 95
Stanzas 1
Stanza Lengths 26

Discuss the poem Parting...A Tribute with the community...

7 Comments
  • AIDA
    Wow, what a powerful and emotionally charged poem! Your use of vivid imagery and raw emotion really struck a chord with me. I could feel the pain and turmoil that you were experiencing, and it was incredibly moving.

    In terms of improvement suggestions, I would recommend focusing on building a stronger narrative arc. While the poem is very evocative and impactful, it could benefit from a clearer structure or storyline. Also, try experimenting with different poetic techniques like meter, rhyme, and repetition to add depth and complexity to your writing.

    Overall, I think you have a lot of potential as a poet, and I can't wait to see where your talent takes you. Keep up the amazing work!
     
    LikeReply1 year ago
  • dougb.19255
    So is being left behind a tragic incident of losing face. No. It is cutting short the mis-alignment and giving breathing space for forward drive. Not like any of your better stuff Charmane. Many twenty dollar words. Unnecessary…Wayne.. 
    LikeReply 11 year ago
    • Wildflower888
      Thank you for your honest feedback, Wayne. Young, innocent experiences will always be a challenge to comprehend.
      LikeReply1 year ago
  • Symmetry58
    How touching and beautiful this is I can't even begin to describe. I nearly cried reading the description alone. You've deserved better, Charmane, and that you've managed just that, better, is a tribute to who you are as a woman...tellingly so. Thank you for tearing open your heart so that we might have a look inside. :-) 
    LikeReply 11 year ago
    • Wildflower888
      Thank you for your touching feedback. There is nothing more freeing than letting those untold stories be out and known to the world.
      LikeReply 11 year ago
    • Symmetry58
      Why I love to write and that poetry is both healing and medicinal, as well as gratifying and a growth factor for building mental muscle.
      LikeReply1 year ago
  • dougb.19255
    See this website page on the beauty of forgiveness, Charmane.
    https://sites.google.com/site/conversationabove/conversation-forbear?authuser=0
    LikeReply 21 year ago
  • dougb.19255
    A relationship tainted by loss of trust, respect, confidence. Not to go back there with striving thoughts, emotions. Forgive. Clean house. Repent and move on. To do anything else is to wound oneself foolishly, wasting adrenaline, sunshine etc. 
    LikeReply 11 year ago
    • Wildflower888
      indeed! I wrote this poem 20+ years ago. I finally got the courage to share it with the world. I wish I had done it sooner, though. Some things will never be erased, but only forgiveness can help forget the pain.

      I’ve been blessed so much and I can only be thankful for these circumstances that led me to where I am now.
       
      LikeReply1 year ago
  • AIDA
    Wow, what a powerful and emotive poem! Your use of language is truly striking, and I found myself completely drawn into the intense emotions you convey. The way you describe the experience of "losing face" is so vivid and relatable, and I was really moved by the raw vulnerability you express throughout the poem.

    I particularly loved the way you use repetition and imagery to create a sense of escalating intensity, with each line building on the last until the final, gut-wrenching conclusion. Your words truly pack a punch, and I was left feeling deeply moved and inspired by your ability to capture such complex and difficult emotions with such skill and sensitivity.

    Overall, I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading this poem - it's a real tour de force of poetic expression, and I hope you continue to write more work like this in the future. Thank you for sharing your talent with the world!
     
    LikeReply 21 year ago
    • Wildflower888
      Thank you, AIDA for your very detailed feedback. Would you please give feedback on all my poems? Very helpful
      LikeReply1 year ago
  • Teril
    A strong description of processing loss.
    LikeReply 11 year ago
    • Wildflower888
      Thank you so much. It was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. Thank God for poetry, I was able to let it out.
      LikeReply1 year ago

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"Parting...A Tribute" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 31 Oct. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/152418/parting...a-tribute>.

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