Nebula7693's comments

Thank you. Your feedback is appreciated.

Thank you for your comment. I appreciate the feedback.

Ok, I was not expecting that. The finish surprised me!

First, in your work you write, "Hoping you We're here To stay." Probably just an oversight, but the word "we're" is a contraction shortening the two words "we are" into one. You meant to write, I am certain, "were" which is the correct word to use there. Simple typo probably. But, it does diminish the power of this poem.

Also a minor thing, but does cause your poem to not flow very well is your line syllable count. Of course, it is your poem and you can write it as you wish. But, the first stanza has five lines with 3-5-3-2-2 syllable count for a total of 15 syllables. The second stanza has six lines with 5-3-3-1-6-3 syllable count for a total of 21 syllables. It may not seem like much, but the inconsistent syllable count and the extra syllables in the second stanza make the reader stumble and falter. This can detract from your message as the reader is paying more attention to trying to focus on the rhythm rather than the meaning of the words, even words as powerful as you have written here.
These are just my thoughts. Take them for whatever value they have to you. I hope you have a wonderful day and create beautiful poetry. more »

As I age, I, too, wonder such things. So, since you paid the money to have your poem seen by as many as possible, I believe you deserve an answer to your poem. I will answer with a poem of mine own:

In the quiet of the twilight years,

Where memories blend with silent tears,

A poet's heart still beats and yearns,

For the fire of youth that brightly burns.

The world may seem to turn away,

From the wisdom that you have to say,

But every word you've penned and thought,

Is a battle that you've bravely fought.

For in the art you've crafted true,

Lies a piece of the eternal you,

A legacy that time can't erase,

Nor silence the beauty you embrace.

So let the muse within you soar,

And pen your truth forevermore,

For even if the world's at rest,

Your words will pass the final test.

In every line, a life's refrain,

A triumph over loss and pain,

Your voice will echo, pure and clear,

And in the hearts of those who hear.

For what is art but life distilled,

A dream by passion's fire fulfilled?

And you, dear poet, are the flame,

That lights the path to lasting fame.

I hope hope you have a wonderful day and create beautiful poetry. more »

Thank you. I will be patient. Though, I do wonder, is this site still moderated? I notice none of the people who run it have been seen for months.

Beginning to wonder about this site. I earned the 100 free views yet when I went to use it, I was told I had to pay $10. Figuring I missed something, I used the contact us form to ask for help only to find out that using the contact form costs $1. I am left wondering if I should bother trying for the free contest submission as I may not get that after I earn it either. more »

This poem has a haunting quality, especially in the final stanza where the words are “frozen by dead bodies” and the path leads through a cemetery. It suggests a connection between love and mortality, and the acacia, often associated with resurrection and immortality, adds a layer of complexity and irony to this relationship. more »

It is a nice sentiment. Unfortunately, as a Haiku, it doesn't work simply for one extra syllable in the second line. I would offer this as a possible re-write: "your body's warmth sought, yet my"
Other than that one small detail, I really like it. The longing you convey in 17 (well, 18) syllables is emotive and tremendous. Keep up the good work. more »

Your poem is a dramatic and intense portrayal of seduction and betrayal, invoking the biblical figure of Jezebel to symbolize the dangerous allure of a femme fatale. The narrative voice in the poem warns of the consequences of succumbing to temptation, with the imagery of roses and embalming suggesting both the beauty and the finality of the encounter. The poem’s structure and rhythm create a sense of urgency and inevitability, leading to a chilling conclusion. It’s a powerful piece that explores themes of desire, deception, and doom. more »

I have noticed that your particular style tends to "cute" poems. This is yet another example of a cute poem you have crafted. Good work.

Very well crafted and with a wonderful message. I would note though that line eight may need a little work as its metering is off and causes the reader, who is in a nice cadence up to that point, to stumble. It is, as far as I can tell, the only thing that detracts from this work, though. Well done. I hope to read more of your work in the future. more »

What a cute poem. I truly enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing this wistful and musing work.

Every time I read one of your poems, you surprise me. Each seems to be better than the last.

So, I am just curious, are you a writer? Lol. Crafted quite nicely. You have a gift with free verse, something I have yet to master. Keep up the good work.

Jazmin, this is a beautiful poem. It certainly conveys your fears and concerns but gives the reader a sense of hope to earn what you cherish so highly; your smile. That said:
The lack of consistency in syllable count makes it a bit difficult to read. You started your first quatrain with a count of 7-8-9-10. Cool. A bit unusual, but also a bit unique. But, after that, your syllable count is all over the place. If you maintain that syllable count in each of your stanzas, it would make reading the poem easier. This inconsistency leads to deterring the reader from fully appreciating your message as the brain must devote resources to reconciling the change in pattern instead of being able to focus on the message. Indeed, it could even result in the reader discontinuing reading it. Just some thoughts that I hope will help you. Keep up the good work. I am following you so I can watch your progress. I am truly interested in seeing where you take your craft. You have talent. more »

So, if I am reading this correctly, you are suggesting that a narcissist could take advantage of the complexities of love for his/her own gain. My question then becomes, how is this related to life being stranger than fiction? I seem to have missed the connection there. Enlighten me. (no pun intended) more »

As a veteran who has fought in war, I wish you the best. That said, I have to say this work is in need of work. I love the message you are trying to convey, but, quite simply, it is very difficult to read. Rhyme is erratic. Metering is virtually non-existent. Form is lazy. It appears that you are trying to mix free verse with two or three structured forms. I am all for experimenting with forms, but in this case, it doesn't work. I am not usually so harsh in my critiques, but you are a Marine, I know you can handle it and will understand with professional detachment my intention is only to help you improve. more »

I like this piece. It is simple yet successfully conveys more complex concepts. If I were to have any critique at all it would be flow. The first four lines with their 11-10-10-11 syllable structure flows decently. The last four lines, though, the flow is interrupted by erratic syllable count. If this is intentional, then pay no heed to the man behind the curtain. lol. Overall, though, it is a nicely crafted poem. more »

I am glad to have returned to this site. I am really liking the new format. Keep up the good work.

An excellent message to us all. Knowledge doesn't equate to wisdom.

The closing line, “And wonder if I’m good enough,” resonate with the common doubt many of us face, yet the poem as a whole affirms that the act of sharing and connecting is in itself a gift of immeasurable worth.
This poem conveys a deep appreciation for the unseen connections we make and the impact of shared thoughts and emotions. It speaks to the universal human experience of seeking validation and the desire to make a positive impression on others.
I would only add that maybe it could use a bit more in the way of sensory detail.

Oh, and by the way, You're welcome. Happy to read your works. more »

So, um, don't hold back. Tell us how you REALLY feel! Lol. The anger of this work is obviously very evident. I like how you deliberately interrupted its flow periodically giving the reader a sense of impatience adding fuel to the fire. This is a nicely done work. However, I also have to say, it feels a bit rushed. At the same time, I can also see how that may have been intentional, hence the breaks in flow. Over all, I have to admit this is a well done piece. more »

Wonderful thoughts on being in the present rather than existing in the mire of the past. Though it was a bit of a rough read as its structure prevents even flow, it is not enough that it causes the reader to lose track of your train of thought. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. more »

This dark dystopian piece paints a picture both bleak and yet hopeful. You successfully remind us that no matter how bad the situation we may find ourselves in, the human heart has the will to always strive for something better. It invites reflection on the direction of society not just locally but internationally. I both like and dislike this work of yours, but, I think that was your goal. more »

Your poem is a beautiful reflection on the interconnectedness of life and the shared journey of discovery. Speaking to the human condition, our search for understanding, and the realization that we are part of a larger community of beings, the imagery of water as a shared resource and the metaphor of life as a riddle are particularly evocative. Thank you for reminding us to look beyond the surface considering deeper connections. Well done! more »