Looking back on now

i sometimes feel like its many years from today and im looking back at this
very moment at what was. I look back to the decisions i made and the ones i
didnt. I look back and see the darkness that oh so slowly began to
become me. I look back  in anger as i start to unbecome the
man i was. I look back as a violent storm of rage starts to break free
the chains of contentment that had held it for so long. I look back and i
despair at the ones i let down when they needed me most. I look back and
see their tears of my undoing and my soul searing white with grace
can no longer
be contained. It rips free of my weak hearts contrl and fills me with its
sweet, unfiltered  presence. i become what evil fears most. i become
AWARE! i decide without fear. i now have an absolute and
crystal clarity of purpose as my body starts to awaken from this dream,
this nightmare, this vulgar imitation of a man. though it  can not
begin to imagine
what is looking back on it i know that it is afraid of what it created
while destroying me. it shall receive no such mercy. for i am coming
to
reclaim what is lost to me no more. Myself.