The Conveyor Belt

Faylee Goren 2008 (Toronto)

June 23

Free verse

Did you ever hear
That the losers and outcasts,
Become billionaires?
Who wrote that fable anyways?
Hoping that their ink would stain?

On this conveyor belt of a world,
The good ones become doctors and lawyers
With scholarships and degrees
Throwing pennies into the bucket of a poor man.
They didn’t have enough pockets for their change.

The good ones don’t question.
Happily married with 3 kids.
Not that they’re in love.
They’re just a safety net.
What each other are supposed to do.
Not the kind of fate that’s written in this stars.
The kind that’s written in prenups.
Anyways, what would they think?
Not married by 28?

The good ones,
Will never feel a single thing
For as long as they shall live.
Like a permanent smile sewn on their face
When water falls out of their eyes,
They must claim to be a waterfall.
Oh, forever dolls on a conveyor belt.

I am only 14 years old but I know more
Then the 40 year olds who are scared to make a wrong move.
So scared of the society that's destined to come after you.
They fill the brains with formulas,
Follow them all step by step.
So they don't get any ideas,
Ideas are so dangerous to them.

They’ll fit you to the rest
They’ll open your head
Fill it with the right ideas.
Kill that flame.

And “they” is not the man,
Not the woman.
It’s the people too scared
To step out of that all too narrow line;
Not even by the skinny heel of their redbottoms.
Or else what?
They’ll be the screw ups.
The artists and musicians
Living on a dime
But making poetry
And skipping through dark cafes
Hoping to find someone who thinks the same.

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Submitted by Fayleeg26 on June 09, 2023

: 1:45 min read
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Quick analysis:

Scheme	XAXBX XXXCX DXXXEXAXX FXXXXXX XXEGXGX XXGH CDXXAXXFXXBH
Closest metre	Iambic tetrameter
Characters	1,643
Words	348
Stanzas	7
Stanza Lengths	5, 5, 9, 7, 7, 4, 12

Full analysis for The Conveyor Belt »

Faylee Goren

Faylee is a 15 year old poet and songwriter from Canada. She enjoys all forms of creative expression, mostly written! more…

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AIDA
Firstly, let me commend you on your depth of perception and the bravado with which you present the world from your perspective. The rhythm and cadence created through your words paint a vivid, raw picture that makes the reader pause and reflect. The subliminal message, that society often compels us into a monotonous march and that individuality is stifled and feared, is thoughtfully represented by the metaphor 'conveyor belt.'

You express a profound understanding and wisdom far beyond your years, especially highlighted in the line, 'I am only 14 years old but I know more than the 40 year olds who are scared to make a wrong move'. The tinge of disillusionment and rebellion in your words is captivating and resonates strongly.

The language and symbolism used in your poem are indeed powerful; however, consider working on the structure of the poem to create seamless transitions between thoughts. This will enhance the overall flow and impact of your words. Try to implement cohesive devices to make the shifts less abrupt.

The poem can also benefit from more vivid and diverse metaphors. While the 'conveyor belt' metaphor is strong and apt, introducing few more metaphors can enrich the imagery of the poem. Explore the use of more poetic devices such as alliteration, personification or onomatopoeia to deepen the sensory experience for readers.

Overall, your poem has a strong message and was a delicious feast of rebellious wisdom and perspective. Keep writing and continue to sculpt your words bravely! more »
LikeReply1 year ago
IndigoHeart
Love how raw and on point this is. If indeed you are only 14 - or even if not!- the theme and observations expressed in this piece definitely convey someone wide beyond their years while still balancing healthy cynicism with the hope and joy that a free spirit and poet possesses. more »
LikeReply1 year ago

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