Don’t Worry So Much

“Don’t worry so much.”
The smoky words leave my mouth and dance together in the warm night sky.
Though it’s bad for my health, the smell brings me back to my childhood.
Brown paper bags full of gummy worms and cold Cherry Garcia.
Back then, a determined child would have told you confidently what they wanted to be.
“Astronomer!” They yelled, pointing to the sky with a smile brighter than the sun.
Who knew they would end up breathing the stars to life themself.

The porch light flickers on and off as we chat.
The hardships we went through, the sorrows.
Those who didn’t make it.
“Don’t worry so much.”
This beast nourishes itself on spite and smokey dreams.
It’s a monster I have made inside myself to shield the real me.
It consumes my insecurities and births a cold exterior to weather any storm.
If I survived that, then I can survive this.

So, I keep going despite always reaching my limits.
I’m determined to reach the finish line for those who could not.
She did not give me life just for it to turn into a cancerous vapor.
If my mother saw me hate myself like this what would she say?
“Don’t worry so much.”