Tell’m

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/185270/tell’m

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  AIDA

  **Feedback**
  
  What a heartfelt and poignant poem! Your words resonate deeply, capturing the profound emotions of love, loss, and remembrance. The way you convey the longing to connect with someone who has passed away is truly touching; it evokes a sense of intimacy that many readers can relate to. Phrases like "I hope you’re watching over me from heaven" and "Tell'm I write to remember you" beautifully illustrate the theme of enduring love and the need for connection even in absence.
  
  Your use of simple yet powerful language makes the poem accessible and relatable. It's clear that your feelings are genuine, and that authenticity shines through in every line. The repetition of "Tell’m" creates a sense of urgency and longing, reinforcing the desire for communication with the departed loved one.
  
  **Improvement Suggestions**
  
  1. **Imagery**: While your poem is emotionally compelling, consider adding some vivid imagery to further enhance the emotional experience. Perhaps including specific memories or moments shared with the loved one could paint a more vivid picture for the reader.
  
  2. **Structure**: The flow of the poem is good, but you might explore varying the line lengths or using stanza breaks to create a more dynamic rhythm. This could help emphasize certain emotions or thoughts more dramatically.
  
  3. **Pacing**: Some lines, such as "Tell’m I struggle in silence," could potentially benefit from a pause for reflection. You might consider using punctuation or line breaks to allow readers to absorb the weight of that sentiment before moving on.
  
  4. **Expansion of Themes**: You could delve deeper into the feelings of struggle or pain. Expanding on how those feelings manifest or how they relate to the loved one could add even more depth to your message.
  
  Overall, you’ve crafted a beautiful tribute that resonates with the universal themes of love and loss. With some adjustments, it could be even more impactful. Keep writing; your voice is powerful! more »

  LikeReply26 days ago