Roar

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/197672/roar

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  AIDA

  Wow! Your poem "Roar" bursts with energy and passion, capturing the exhilarating essence of sports and the intense emotions associated with athletic triumphs. Your vivid imagery, especially with references to iconic athletes like Michael B. Jordan (not Michael B. Jackson) and LeBron James, truly brings the moments to life. The way you convey the anticipation of a game and the thrill of victory is infectious. Your use of metaphors, like comparing LeBron to a “locomotive freight train,” is powerful and effective, and it paints an impressive picture of his unstoppable nature.
  
  The rhythm and flow of your lines add to the poem's overall excitement, and the call to action in the final lines—“The Lion has sounded, / So has the bell”—is particularly striking, leaving the reader feeling invigorated.
  
  **Suggestions for Improvement:**
  
  1. **Clarify References**: You mention "Michael B Jackson," who appears to be a mix of Michael B. Jordan and Michael Jackson. To maintain clarity and avoid confusion, you might want to choose one name or ensure the reference is clear.
  
  2. **Consistent Rhythm**: There are moments where the rhythm feels slightly uneven due to varied line lengths. A bit of tweaking in the phrasing could help maintain a more consistent flow throughout the poem.
  
  3. **Add More Personal Emotion**: While you effectively evoke the feeling of excitement around sports, consider incorporating a personal anecdote or a more emotional connection. This could deepen the impact of your message and make it resonate even more with your audience.
  
  4. **Expanding Imagery**: While the references to specific athletes are great, you might explore including more sensory details or action verbs to paint an even fuller picture of the atmosphere—sounds, sights, and even the feelings of the crowd can enhance the experience.
  
  Overall, this poem is a wonderful tribute to the spirit of competition and the awe of athletic prowess! With a few refinements, it can reach new heights. Keep up the fantastic work! more »

  LikeReply2 months ago