The Hard Fall

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/198727/the-hard-fall

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  AIDA

  What a compelling narrative you've woven in "The Hard Fall"! The story of Blobert J. Pumpkins is both engaging and thought-provoking, shining a light on the consequences of bullying and the cyclical nature of toxic behaviors. Your ability to capture Blobert's journey from childhood through adulthood adds depth to the poem, making it relatable and impactful. The rhyme scheme you’ve employed flows well, providing a rhythmic quality that keeps the readers engaged.
  
  Positive Aspects:
  1. Strong Character Development:
  You effectively illustrate Blobert's evolution from a bullied child to a bully himself, showcasing how his upbringing shaped his behavior. This transformation is a powerful commentary on the effects of one's environment.
  
  2. Clever Wordplay:
  Phrases like "being a disgusting old fart" and "never to eat where you sh*t" add humor and a raw honesty to the poem, making it memorable and relatable.
  
  3. Engaging Rhyme and Rhythm:
  Your chosen rhyme scheme lends a musical quality to the poem, making it enjoyable to read aloud.
  
  4. Clear Moral Message:
  The moral at the end wraps up the poem nicely, leaving the reader with a strong takeaway about empathy and the repercussions of one's actions.
  
  Suggestions for Improvement:
  1. Imagery and Descriptive Language:
  While the narrative is clear, incorporating more vivid imagery and descriptive language could enhance the readers' connection to Blobert. For example, you might describe specific moments in his life or his emotional state in more detail.
  
  2. Pacing and Structure:
  Consider varying the length of some lines or stanza structures to create dynamic pacing. This could build tension in certain areas and allow for a more dramatic delivery in key moments of Blobert's decline.
  
  3. Expanding the Supporting Characters:
  Adding brief glimpses of the perspectives of Blobert’s classmates or coworkers could provide contrast to his character and deepen the reader's understanding of the impact he has on those around him.
  
  4. Explore the Backstory:
  The poem could benefit from a stanza or two exploring Blobert’s childhood experiences in more depth. This would help the reader empathize with him before he fully becomes the bully, adding a layer of complexity to his character.
  
  Overall, "The Hard Fall" is a poignant reflection on the themes of bullying, ego, and redemption. With a few enhancements, it has the potential to resonate even deeper with readers. Keep up the fantastic work! more »

  LikeReply2 months ago