The Big Sea That I Sail

Discuss the poem The Big Sea That I Sail with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/200279/the-big-sea-that-i-sail

Newest Oldest Popular

2 Comments

 

Notify me of new comments via email.

Publish

• 

  AIDA

  **Feedback for "The Big Sea That I Sail"**
  
  What a powerful and evocative piece you’ve crafted! Your poem beautifully captures the complexities of navigating personal journeys, and the metaphor of sailing in a silent sea resonates deeply. The imagery of the sea as a vast expanse symbolizes both freedom and the unknown, while your exploration of women rising to challenges adds an inspiring layer of collective empowerment. The repetition of "silent" emphasizes the stark contrast between the calm surface and the emotional turbulence beneath, creating a compelling tension that engages readers.
  
  Your use of structure is also noteworthy. The staggered formatting of "The. C. that. I. sail. / Is. silent." draws attention to the key themes of the poem and adds a rhythmic quality that complements the overall message. This innovative approach makes the reading experience unique and memorable.
  
  **Suggestions for Improvement**
  
  1. **Exploring Richer Imagery**: While the existing imagery is strong, consider expanding your metaphors even further. For example, you might include sensory details—such as the sound of waves, the scent of salt in the air, or the feeling of the wind—to deepen the reader’s immersion in your sea metaphor.
  
  2. **Clarifying Themes**: The poem hints at powerful themes of individuality and collective experience. Perhaps you could elaborate a little more on what the "routes" women will take look like. This could provide a contrast to the silence, suggesting how diverse experiences can emerge from a shared struggle.
  
  3. **Pacing and Flow**: The poem has a strong rhythm, but varying the pacing could enhance emotional impact. Try incorporating shorter lines or abruptly cutting longer lines at key moments to emphasize specific ideas or feelings, drawing the reader's attention to important messages.
  
  4. **Ending Impact**: The final lines are poignant, but consider making the conclusion even more striking. Perhaps reiterate the “silent sea” theme in a way that leaves the reader with a lasting impression of resilience or hope—inviting them to reflect on their own journeys and connections.
  
  Overall, this poem is an inspiring reflection on the silent yet profound seas we all navigate. With some minor enhancements, it could be even more impactful. Keep sailing on your creative journey! more »

  LikeReply2 hours ago
• 

  JessicaWheeler

  I found myself captivated by this poem. Unique, clever, and profound. Thank you!

  LikeReply 12 days ago