Real Love AKA ENVY

Is it wrong to say,
I wish I could feel like her today?
To feel that special bond,
and to keep it all life long.
Knowing someone who looks at me,
and just wishes love could be.
Sadly, my face is full of too many emotions,
making my mind feel as if its drowning in the ocean.
Each step, I'm sinking borderline
 drowning,
Making my heart start this heavy pounding.
Forcing me to realize,
we hold all our pain Inside.
I am envy,
Slowly it hits me-
my love isn't worth a penny.
Wanting and craving something so bad,
never seeing its something I already had.
Pushing you to feel the touch of an old love,
as our relationship was being pushed and shoved.
And the touch of my lips,
reminds him of a an old kiss.
Stirring up his anger as it  comes alive and begins to mist,  
and pain is all that is left to exist.
Except  the truth-
Love is fake in man's eyes,
as Truth is;
love is in my heart and soul-
and it was all just eaten alive.
And to my surprise,
I was the reason why.
I notice my love lost meaning in your eyes, now all I can do is cry.
So as I release my tears,
I saw how I gave life to my fears.
So cursed I am,
and love I don't want to understand.
To find one soul,
who makes me whole.
To know I'm complete,
finally proving God made you just for me.
But, envy took control of me,
Never seeing your love was free,
And envy created a control you see.
Plotting and pushing for a secret way to win,
just barely one step away from selling my soul in the end.
Tears roll down my face,
I just realized I lost real loves taste -x
as I let your love go unused and misplaced.
Instantly I remember praying for a man like you to come my way,
Forgetting truth and trust are key roles in keeping love real today.
Is it wrong to say,
I wish I could feel like her today.
Is it wrong to say,
I want-
To be her today?
Stuck on something fake,
trying to see which fairy tale can relate.
Walking lost in the darkness of life,
forgetting love only exists in our heart's mind.
Listening to anyone I can,
as hands pull me further into the quicksand.
Sad to say,
I prayed for you to love me like her today -
hoping you can see me exactly the same way.
Making my love an idea I pushed you to grab,
as the light shows the truth in all we have.
Then I wanted and craved loved to the max,
and it showed envy is just jealousy's hate stacked.
So alone I sit in darkness,
turning slowly cold and heartless.
Love cold and heart bruised,
while love is left unused.
So love never made it home,
Now old and alone,
and envy was the lesson learned.
Envy controlled my heart,
creating fears to start.
Truth is love was never found,
I ran to deaths sound-
as my love bleed into the ground.