Tired

I have been on this earth only 15 measly years, and I am still learning about this life thing, but there are a few things I have already learned.

1) If you do not care, act like you care.

2) If someone cares, and you don't, act like you care.

3) Acting like you care can only get you so far.

So I'm tired.

I'm tired of people trying but saying that I'm not.

I'm tired of people saying that "It'll get better next week, next month, next year."

I'm tired of trying to believe that anymore.

Because sometimes it won't.

I'm trying not to be pessimistic but that's not how it works.

I'm tired of listening to other people's problems and then them not giving a damn about mine.

I'm tired of always having to pick a side.

I'm tired of my so-called friends shaming me for getting new ones. I'm tired of smiling when I feel like screaming and screaming when I feel like crying yet I notice I don't feel like smiling much anymore.

I'm tired of people blaming my feelings on puberty and hormones as if that's not only exaggerating the already prominent feelings I have.

I'm tired of people saying that things will change, promising things will change, and not doing anything to change it.

Ever.

I'm tired of people making promises in the first place.

I'm tired of always seeing all the bad, all the time.

I'm tired of never being able to tell anyone except myself what's going on.

I'm tired of never knowing what the Hell is going on.

I'm tired of people "listening" but never hearing.

I'm tired of people not taking me seriously just because I'm younger.

I'm tired of all this poetry bullshit, we get it, you can compare things.

I'm tired of not being goddamn surprised when there was another shooting on the news.

I'm tired of being scared that someone I know will be shot next.

I'm tired of having to talk about shootings.

I'm tired of people not thinking that I'm upset, because I am upset, I'm really upset, and really I'm tired of always just saying "I'm Fine"