A Spivey Night Before Christmas (WARNING Long and a bit Raunchy)

T'was the night before Christmas
out at Spivey's deer camp
We was sittin' round the campfire
a'belchin up spam

We was oilin' our rifles,
and sharpenin' our knives
We was laughin' and drinkin',
no kids and no wives

Then outside the firelight
there arose such a clatter
I jumped up, right quick,
I'm just glad I'm not fatter

I ran out in the dark,
then stared down the road
I paused for a minit,
my bladder's 'bout to explode

I zipped up my britches
and stared once agin
I wiped off my glasses a
nd called for my kin

I hissed, "Ya'll come here quick,
You've got to see this
If my eyes ain't mistaken,
there's something amiss"

For what had I seen
that left me dumbstruck
But eight racks of antlers
on eight big ol' bucks

They was tied up with ribbons
and pullin' a sled
If I find my rifle,
they'll soon all be dead

Then I see headlights,
like a truck or sedan
And I know it's our strippers,
all crammed in a van

Santa jumps from his sled
with presents galore
And he calls out their names
as they come out the door

"One for Dolly, and Stormy,
and yes, Bobbi Lee
One for Wendy and JoJo
and Star Heavenlee

I see Cissy and Molly
and sweet Sarah Sue
Santa's handin' out dainties
and they's all see-through

Rick popped open the cooler
and handed out beers
Brad was just grinnin',
I'd forgot 'bout them deers

Us three, and nine strippers
partied just like outlaws
With eight big ol' reindeer
and dear Santa Claus

Then just before dawn
I heer'd Santa exclaim
After this year Christmas
just won't be the same

The kiddies will wait up
all night for them toys
But I'll spend Christmas Eve
with them three Spivey boys

So we packed up them strippers,
Santa limped to his sled
It was hitched to that van,
then off they all sped

We stood there a' grinnin'
as they drove down the track
Merry Christmas to ya'll,
them reindeer is hangin' out back

Copyright c2005 Brian E. Spivey