I Wonder If God

In the aftermath of yesterday's disaster,
I stumbled from inactivity's violent seams,
it seems my intellect was in dispute, I puke
some injury in the present's presence as pain
stares at the remains of lager; body-builder
pose, I know I'll regret it, but I'll start again.

Rain hits windows with persistent alacrity,
I see its soaked smile, curse rhythm's waves,
'Jesus saves!' It sings as hymns stroll into my sin,
but all I want is whiskey, maybe a joint to ease
this ache that's keeping me awake, it's insane,
the battlefield; champaign, offers champagne.

It's a shame, I think, to drink existence away,
then in the distance, bells chuckle cold weakness,
bleak moments buckle up sighs as determination
screams eternal damnation, disappointment's ashtray,
I wonder if God, in His wise way, knows the answer
to why I am here, trembling Sunday's love in alleys.