I am Judas

I am weak without you
But you fail to make me strong
My mind wanders away
But my soul still stays, I can’t do this alone

I wonder lost in familiar territory
Needing a guiding hand
I slip away, mindless and thoughtless
I do it alone to spite the shining lights

I bite the hand that feeds
I starve my soul to spite my mind
I know I am nothing
I strive to be everything

I am angry, I am sad, I am hateful
I feel desperate, I feel alone, I feel the dark
I see the helping hands, I see the way
I turn away from you, I hate I can’t do this alone

I’ve traveled so many miles to know my way
Still I need directions to my happiness
I’ve tried so many times, sometimes desperately
My soul is too tired to continue to feel

I once was happy, I once was strong
I once was hopeful, I once had desire
I try to return to what I once had
I try to return to what I once felt

You say you understand, you say you know
You say you’ll reach out, I just have to hold on
I turn to reach for the helping hand
Only to find it brings me down

I’ve been in the dark so long I don’t recognize the light
I’ve been in the dark so long it feels like home
I’ve been in the dark so long my mind has shut down
I’ve been here so long my spirit has become the darkness

I see what the world has become
And I wonder if I am the darkness
I see the little things I used to love
I forget how to smile
As they now bring me the pain

Is there anyone that can help?
Is there anyone without an agenda?
Will you understand my story?
Will you remember me when I’m gone?