I Always Find the Most Creative Ways to Destroy Myself

1
a passionate and lengthy affair
long hours spent in the bedroom
then many more standing erect in the kitchen
leaving before the spring flowers bloomed

2
a thick and strong liquid
used for benevolence in times of merry
no one around here celebrates Christmas  
used for malevolence in times of any other
it’s really not that creative

3
there’s one that is rather undetectable
a falter by nothing, seemingly
it’s helped on by me and you staying home
bars now restrain the windows and sedans drive up pastas
they slide it through the bar slits
most of the time one doesn’t even move

4
 invisible
as true destruction is
comes through others but
stays with you
the walls of apartments won’t keep this at bay
fear may only worsen the days to come
the orange man on tv has very few answers

5
the deepest way to spiral
standing under the tree wearing black did nothing
chatter in a solemn living room is inaudible
nights with eyes open in utter darkness
this time you didn’t even do it yourself
you’d love to shatter into pieces like the cut glass bowl thrown at your rafters

6
only the setting would create a sense of failure
the chipped up plastic floors and the mattress scatter around
fist sized holes in walls and busted tungsten lighting
but within there is no withering – only ecstasy
the futility of the high may never be known

7
one but with a twist
no one leaves in spring or splatters china on bricks
this time the energy devoted to the spiral goes elsewhere
smoking around the warmth of the hearth
pooling in the deep end of the neighbor’s pool
sinking into the glass of an old fashioned
you would have sat in the den, glass in hand, heart on fire
forever
but eventually, by some means, and through every fault of your own
the leaves of spring have come and gone once more
she was never going to stay

this isn’t deontology or its inverse
these aren’t conscious choices or purposeful actions
the means don’t justify the ends
but you still do it