Disposable

I can barely endure the pain and grief from the profound loss I have had to face . How could a part of the world get it so wrong. Defying everything nature herself says defines the life force.   To sit in my aloneness and tolerate the suffering and sorrow that no human should ever have to face. The emotions are deeply profound. How did it come to this place. No one can tell me why. I weep deeply, over and over. I have cried my heart out. It hurts so much. It brings me to the edge of existence. Stripping away a sense of belonging.  No entitlement. Undeserving.  It’s unimaginable to comprehend the devastation and destructiveness that robs the soul of its capacity to survive. The annihilation of every fundamental understanding I have ever known or experienced about humanity.  My words sound so feeble as I attempt to navigate though. It’s difficult to comprehend the depths of my pain. I stand here with my darkness. To be disposed of. Me a person, a human being being disposed of because I have cancer and the politicians want to take away my health care which is the only resource that sustains my life.  A money saving idea for the government is a death sentence to me. I have done honest work my entire life, paid my taxes, raised my family, paid my bills, and I have been a law abiding citizen. After all I contributed to the world as a Health Care Provider myself, I arrived in my senior years and have to face the devastating reality that I have a cancer diagnosis. That is challenging enough to manage the chemotherapy, the hair loss, the Bone Marrow Transplant and the blood transfusions but to get faced with the ongoing threat by law makers to destroy the Affordable Care Act so the government can save money so the wealthy can reap even more affluence at the expense of disposing people like myself and those suffering alongside of me across our beautiful nation.  A news story reported that politicians were saying the elderly and the sick should be considerate and die to protect the future of those who are well. What distorted reality has possessed such people? They are disposing of me. Or trying to dispose of me. Even if they are not successful at doing so by intercepting or cancelling my  payments for my health care treatment I have been emotionally torn down, fret with worry, had months of sleepless nights filled with fear and anxiousness because I am disposable. Designed to be used and then thrown away. It’s sad enough to throw away the cups, plates and napkins. The appliances, computers and cars. People have been so desensitized by the disposable world in which we live that it’s now come to this. Disposing the vulnerable, the sick, the homeless, the needy, the mentally ill, the ones who have cancer. We are disposable. How can I go on and live peacefully. How can I carry the burden of knowing the world can be cruel and dangerous. Knowing I am disposable to the world I live in. The world may bring me deep darkness but I know I carry light.  I will shine my light on the darkness and fight with all my might.