613,607

I saw your post the other day, I wish I wanted to congratulate you.

Almost a year later  and I am still walking around with a hole where my heart used to be. It feels like a lifetime and yet it feels like no time has passed at all.

I often wonder if people can see the pain displayed in my facial expressions, in my reactions, or movements.

It is beyond difficult to let go of the one thing that grounded me.

My best friend, soul mate, and twin flame all in one being that wants nothing to do with me or what I have to offer.

I saw you went on adventures, I wish so badly that I wanted to see you happy. Unfortunately, it is painstakingly agonizing to see you enjoying a life without me.

I read your messages to every person who commented on your post. I wonder if you are also filling a void that you refuse to acknowledge.
 I know that you aren’t, I am just remaining hopeful that one day you will realize that you made a mistake. I am delusional at best.

The kids still speak your name at the dinner table from time to time just confirming that you are still apart of us.
 A crucial important part we wish we didn’t have to miss.

Your imprint on us is still as strong as the day you came and the day you left. Daily rituals that you brought into our lives are still practiced perpetually.

I saw you yesterday, you drove by me as if we have never met. Although, an expression of anger or annoyance was ever so slightly displayed on your face.

You passed me today, we locked eyes for a mere millisecond before I forced myself to turn away.

I took note that you were not wearing a seatbelt it reminded me of all the times I asked you to put it on and told you the reason behind the request was because I needed you here with me.

I wish that a seat belt could have made you stay with us.

I no longer cry for you everyday although,  i could.
I still yearn for you.
The heaviness of my heart has not weakened nor, has the tightness in my throat subsided when I think of you, and I think of you always.

9 months, 5 days, 3hrs and six minutes, have passed without you. 6,697 hours but .. who is counting.
613,607  hours, enough to equal a lifetime still left to endure.

I hope that I don’t keep seeing you while I dream. Because those 76,700 hours will be the hardest.

How does one stop loving someone irrevocably. When the very definition means cannot be changed or reversed.

I saw your post the other day, I wish so badly I wanted to congratulate you.
But right now all I can do is hold the pieces of my broken heart in hopes that one day I will find a way to put them back together.