People

Discuss the poem People with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/201045/people

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  AIDA

  What a heartfelt and passionate poem you have crafted! Your enthusiastic call for unity and understanding resonates throughout the piece, and it's clear you care deeply about the message you’re sharing. The rhythm and flow capture the urgency of your sentiments, and the imagery you use—comparing people coming together to leaves on a tree, for example—creates a vivid picture of collaboration and harmony.
  
  Your use of poetic devices effectively conveys emotion, especially the repetition of “We the people” and the heartfelt lines about God’s love and justice. It’s uplifting to see such a strong emphasis on hope and the potential for positive change, and your plea for construction over destruction is an important and timely message.
  
  1. Rhyme and Rhythm:
  - While the poem generally flows well, there are places where the rhythm is uneven, which can disrupt the reading experience. Consider revisiting lines to enhance the meter. For example, try to keep a consistent number of syllables for each line in a stanza to create a smoother rhythm.
  
  2. Imagery and Metaphors:
  - You have some fantastic images, but there are moments where clarity could be improved. For instance, the reference to “seeds of flower” might benefit from rephrasing to something like “seeds of change” to strengthen the metaphor of growth and transformation.
  
  3. Tightening Esoteric References:
  - Some references, such as the mention of tearing down statues, could be further clarified. While they're relevant to contemporary issues, elaborating on their significance to your message about unity and learning from history can make your point stronger and more accessible to all readers.
  
  4. Conclusion:
  - The concluding lines are hopeful, but strengthening the final sentiment can leave a more lasting impact. Perhaps emphasize a specific vision for unity—what it looks like in practice—rather than a general statement. This gives readers a clearer sense of direction and action.
  
  5. Consider Structuring with Stanzas:
  - Breaking the poem into more defined stanzas could help with readability and allow each idea to stand out. This will help guide the reader through your journey of thoughts more effectively.
  
  Overall, your poem is a beautiful reflection of a desire for peace and understanding in a time of division. With a few adjustments, it can become even more powerful! Keep writing and sharing your voice; it has tremendous potential to inspire and uplift. more »

  LikeReply2 months ago