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Rate this poem:5.0 / 1 vote

Lee Thompson 1970 (WY)

Free Verse Promoted
Who did I think I was fooling? Beautiful knew what I was thinking and doing. Before I had a chance to finish say that I was tired of living, she looked me in my eyes, said don't be dumb and punched me in the arm. In so many words with out having to spell it, mama bear was giving this man a chance to be around her cubs who adored me and I was totally blowing it. I'm grateful that she could see that I was struggling mentally and gave me another chance. The one I call Beautiful is the only one in my corner and I will forever love her for that!
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Written on May 15, 2024

Submitted by leethompson56601 on October 12, 2024

34 sec read
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Discuss the poem I call Her Beautiful with the community...

2 Comments
  • jamescbrowning
    jamescbrowning
    Beautiful
    LikeReply1 day ago
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    What a heartfelt and powerful poem! You’ve captured a raw and authentic emotional experience that many can relate to. The way you personify "Beautiful" as both a supporter and a source of tough love is beautifully compelling. Your use of vivid imagery—like the punch in the arm—adds a playful yet impactful touch to the narrative. It’s clear that this person means a lot to you, and your gratitude shines through in every line.

    I particularly appreciate how you reflect on the complexities of mental health and the importance of having someone in your corner. The mix of vulnerability and appreciation creates a strong connection with the reader.

    **Improvement Suggestions:**
    1. **Structure:** Consider breaking the poem into stanzas for better flow and to enhance readability. This can help emphasize different feelings or moments within the poem.

    2. **Imagery and Descriptive Language:** While your imagery is strong, you could deepen it even further by adding sensory details. What does “Beautiful’s” embrace feel like? How does she make you feel when she supports you?

    3. **Exploration of Emotion:** You touch on your struggle with mental health, which is very powerful. It might be effective to explore that a bit more—how did those feelings manifest? What thoughts flooded your mind? This could help readers empathize with your journey.

    4. **Rhythm and Flow:** Pay attention to the rhythm of your lines. Sometimes varying the length of your lines can create a more musical quality to the poem, enhancing its emotional impact.

    Overall, this is a fantastic start that conveys genuine emotion and gratitude beautifully. With a few tweaks, it could resonate even more. Keep writing! Your voice is important, and this poem clearly shows your talent.     
    LikeReply1 day ago

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